This was the first picture I ever saw of Ian. I had met him online and was completely taken with him immediately. I loved the particular shade of blue that his eyes were, and the deepness to them, deep as the ocean. I rang my friends and told them all about him. You know, shallow things like, "he's so hot" and "what should I wear?" The day after I had met him (online), I asked him to send me a picture of himself at his desk from his office. He was reluctant at first, but then sent me a picture that changed my life. The picture below is also Ian.
I remember walking around school that day with a weight in my heart. I sent him back a picture of myself that I took in the school bathroom. I drove home in a daze. I called him sometime around eight on that friday night, he asked me about school, I asked him about work... finally after the second glass of wine, I asked about the bald head.
He told me he had run into some bum luck, and had developed a rare form of cancer called, Synovial Sarcoma. He was having some trouble urinating and had to be hospitalized, at which point, the doctors had discovered that there was a mass the size of a golf ball in his bladder. He had a successful surgery, but unfortunately six months after that, the nasty disease showed up again in his liver. He was getting chemotherapy every month, and living each day to its fullest. He began to mention something about surfing, but I cut him off.
"I'm so sorry." I said, and then silence.
The next day, we had our first date. I had hurt my knee swing dancing a week earlier, so I wore my disgusting ugg booties and the outfit I am ironically wearing right now. We went to The Grove, he hated The Grove. I remember I made him drive all the way to the top of the parking lot, so that we could look at the view. He rolled us a joint, and we smoked in the car. I giggled like a little girl... I had already fallen so far in love there was no turning back. We walked to the Farmer's Market and he bought himself a piece of pizza. I was so nervous I couldn't eat. I told him I only ate sandwiches, he furrowed his brow. He knew I was lying.
He dropped me off after our little outing and I floated up the stairs. My room mate at the time asked me how it had gone. I went on and on about how tall and good looking he is, and that he has such a cool job, and how he was a designer like me, and that he was so funny, and that he has great style, and she finally stopped me and asked me about the cancer. Would I be able to love someone with cancer? would I be strong enough?
I remember not even having time to answer her, my phone was ringing and Ian was downstairs again. He had cancelled his dinner plans to spend more time with me. We drove around the neighborhood listening to music, we held hands, we kissed. I knew after that night, that I wanted to keep him with me forever, and that if Cancer wanted to take him from me, I wouldn't give him up with out a fight.
